Fapte reale din viata.
- Thread starter sert
- Start date
There are only ten times in history when the "F" word has been acceptable for use:
10. "What the @#$% was that?" - Mayor of Hiroshima, 1945
9. "Look at all them @#$%ing Indians!" - Custer, 1877
8. "Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that." - Einstein, 1938
7. "It does so @#$%ing look like her!" - Picasso, 1926
6. "How the @#$% did you work that out?" - Pythagoreas, 126 BC
5. "You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?" - Michelangelo, 1566
4. "Where the @#$% are we?" - Amelia Earhart, 1937
3. "Scattered @#$%ing showers... My a$$!" - Noah, 4314 BC
2. "Aw c'mon... Who the @#$%'s going to find out?" - Bill Clinton, 1999 And ... drum roll ....
1. "Geez, I didn't think they'd get this @#$%ing mad." - Osama bin Laden,2002.
10. "What the @#$% was that?" - Mayor of Hiroshima, 1945
9. "Look at all them @#$%ing Indians!" - Custer, 1877
8. "Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that." - Einstein, 1938
7. "It does so @#$%ing look like her!" - Picasso, 1926
6. "How the @#$% did you work that out?" - Pythagoreas, 126 BC
5. "You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?" - Michelangelo, 1566
4. "Where the @#$% are we?" - Amelia Earhart, 1937
3. "Scattered @#$%ing showers... My a$$!" - Noah, 4314 BC
2. "Aw c'mon... Who the @#$%'s going to find out?" - Bill Clinton, 1999 And ... drum roll ....
1. "Geez, I didn't think they'd get this @#$%ing mad." - Osama bin Laden,2002.
Iaca inca una:
Car vs. Computers
For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft; we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would stall on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to remove and reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive -- but would run on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.
7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again, because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.
Car vs. Computers
For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft; we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would stall on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to remove and reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive -- but would run on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.
7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again, because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.
THE BLONDEST JOKE OF THE YEAR - SO FAR
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond
female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.
She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house. A
little later she came out of her house again went to the mailbox and
again opened it, slammed it shut again.
Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to
edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened
it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, " Is something wrong?" To
which she replied, "There certainly is!" "My stupid computer keeps
saying: "YOU'VE GOT MAIL"
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond
female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.
She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house. A
little later she came out of her house again went to the mailbox and
again opened it, slammed it shut again.
Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to
edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened
it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, " Is something wrong?" To
which she replied, "There certainly is!" "My stupid computer keeps
saying: "YOU'VE GOT MAIL"
Ca sa vedeti ca ati trait degeaba!
Manual geografie clasa 12, materia pt admitere la fac:
"Spatiul geografic roman reprezinta o matrice inedita a devenirii
naturale a poporului roman. In acelasi timp, el se constituie ca un
arhetip mental prin caracterul transcendental in spiritualitatea
locuitorilor. El a generat in timp un sistem socio-economic propriu
specific, fundamentat pe sustinerea din propriile resurse materiale si
spirituale".
Manual geografie clasa 12, materia pt admitere la fac:
"Spatiul geografic roman reprezinta o matrice inedita a devenirii
naturale a poporului roman. In acelasi timp, el se constituie ca un
arhetip mental prin caracterul transcendental in spiritualitatea
locuitorilor. El a generat in timp un sistem socio-economic propriu
specific, fundamentat pe sustinerea din propriile resurse materiale si
spirituale".
Intr-o lume condusa de romantism, aveti un singur scop: faceti-va
femeia
fericita. Faceti ceva ce-i place si luati puncte. Daca nu ii faceti pe
plac,
vi se iau puncte. Nu luati nici un punct daca faceti ceva la care se
asteapta. Imi pare rau, dar asa se joaca jocul asta. Fie ca vreti sau
fie ca
nu! Aveti aici un rezumat al sistemului de punctare:
Indatoriri simple:
Daca faci patul...............................................+1
Daca faci patul, dar uiti sa pui pernutele decorative......... 0
Daca pui patura peste cearsafurile nearanjate.................-1
Daca lasi capacul wc-ului sus.................................-5
Daca inlocuiesti sulul de hartie igienica cand se termina..... 0
Daca te duci sa-i iei tampoane....................+5
si e zapada afara.................................+8
si te intorci cu bere.............................-5
si fara tampoane.................................-25
Daca verifici de unde se aude un zgomot ciudat noaptea...........0
Daca verifici de unde se aude un zgomot ciudat si nu e nimic.....0
Daca verifici de unde se aude un zgomot ciudat si chiar era ceva....+5
Daca lovesti intrusul cu un drug de fier...........................+10
si e pisica ei.....................................................-40
La intalniri sociale:
Petreceri:
Daca stai langa ea tot timpul petrecerii......................... 0
Daca stai langa ea un timp, si apoi pleci sa stai de vorba cu un coleg
din
facultate, fost partener de betii............................-2
si pe care-l cheama Anca.........................................-4
si Anca este dansatoare..........................................-6 si
are
implanturi la sani.......................................-18
De ziua ei:
Daca o scoti la cina in oras.................................... 0
Daca o scoti la cina in oras si nu intr-un bar...........+1
Daca totusi e un bar........................................-2
Daca este si un bar cu bufet suedez.....................-3
Daca este si un bar cu bufet suedez si mai ai si fata vopsita in
culorile echipei favorite..... -10
O noapte cu prietenii:
Daca te duci cu un prieten........................-5
Daca prietenul are o casnicie fericita................-4
Daca prietenul este ingrijorator de singur..........-7
Daca prietenul conduce o masina sport.............-10
Daca are si numar personalizat (B 73 SEX)........-15
O seara in oras:
Daca o duci la film...................................+2
Daca o duci la filmul care ii place................+4
Daca o duci la un film care nu iti place........+6
Daca o duci la un film care iti place tie........-2
Daca o duci la filmul Death Cop 3..............-3
Daca filmul Death Cop 3 este despre cyborgi care mananca oameni
...........-9
Daca ai mintit-o si i-ai spus ca este un film strain despre orfani
.......-15
Aspectul tau fizic:
Daca ai capatat o burta vizibila
........................................-15
Daca ai capatat o burta vizibila si faci exercitii sa scapi de
ea......+10
Daca ai capatat o burta vizibila si recurgi la blugi largi si
tricou..... -30
Daca spui "Nu conteaza, ai si tu una"..........................-800
Marea intrebare:
Ea intreaba "Sunt grasa?"
Daca eviti sa raspunzi...................................-1
Daca intrebi "Unde anume?"..........................-35
Daca raspunzi orice altceva..........................-20
Comunicarea:
Cand ea vrea sa vorbeasca despre o problema:
Daca o asculti, afisand o expresie ingrijorata................. 0
Daca o asculti mai bine de 30 minute............................+5
Daca o asculti mai bine de 30 minute fara sa te uiti la televizor..+100
Daca isi da seama ca ai reusit asta pentru ca ai adormit...........-20
femeia
fericita. Faceti ceva ce-i place si luati puncte. Daca nu ii faceti pe
plac,
vi se iau puncte. Nu luati nici un punct daca faceti ceva la care se
asteapta. Imi pare rau, dar asa se joaca jocul asta. Fie ca vreti sau
fie ca
nu! Aveti aici un rezumat al sistemului de punctare:
Indatoriri simple:
Daca faci patul...............................................+1
Daca faci patul, dar uiti sa pui pernutele decorative......... 0
Daca pui patura peste cearsafurile nearanjate.................-1
Daca lasi capacul wc-ului sus.................................-5
Daca inlocuiesti sulul de hartie igienica cand se termina..... 0
Daca te duci sa-i iei tampoane....................+5
si e zapada afara.................................+8
si te intorci cu bere.............................-5
si fara tampoane.................................-25
Daca verifici de unde se aude un zgomot ciudat noaptea...........0
Daca verifici de unde se aude un zgomot ciudat si nu e nimic.....0
Daca verifici de unde se aude un zgomot ciudat si chiar era ceva....+5
Daca lovesti intrusul cu un drug de fier...........................+10
si e pisica ei.....................................................-40
La intalniri sociale:
Petreceri:
Daca stai langa ea tot timpul petrecerii......................... 0
Daca stai langa ea un timp, si apoi pleci sa stai de vorba cu un coleg
din
facultate, fost partener de betii............................-2
si pe care-l cheama Anca.........................................-4
si Anca este dansatoare..........................................-6 si
are
implanturi la sani.......................................-18
De ziua ei:
Daca o scoti la cina in oras.................................... 0
Daca o scoti la cina in oras si nu intr-un bar...........+1
Daca totusi e un bar........................................-2
Daca este si un bar cu bufet suedez.....................-3
Daca este si un bar cu bufet suedez si mai ai si fata vopsita in
culorile echipei favorite..... -10
O noapte cu prietenii:
Daca te duci cu un prieten........................-5
Daca prietenul are o casnicie fericita................-4
Daca prietenul este ingrijorator de singur..........-7
Daca prietenul conduce o masina sport.............-10
Daca are si numar personalizat (B 73 SEX)........-15
O seara in oras:
Daca o duci la film...................................+2
Daca o duci la filmul care ii place................+4
Daca o duci la un film care nu iti place........+6
Daca o duci la un film care iti place tie........-2
Daca o duci la filmul Death Cop 3..............-3
Daca filmul Death Cop 3 este despre cyborgi care mananca oameni
...........-9
Daca ai mintit-o si i-ai spus ca este un film strain despre orfani
.......-15
Aspectul tau fizic:
Daca ai capatat o burta vizibila
........................................-15
Daca ai capatat o burta vizibila si faci exercitii sa scapi de
ea......+10
Daca ai capatat o burta vizibila si recurgi la blugi largi si
tricou..... -30
Daca spui "Nu conteaza, ai si tu una"..........................-800
Marea intrebare:
Ea intreaba "Sunt grasa?"
Daca eviti sa raspunzi...................................-1
Daca intrebi "Unde anume?"..........................-35
Daca raspunzi orice altceva..........................-20
Comunicarea:
Cand ea vrea sa vorbeasca despre o problema:
Daca o asculti, afisand o expresie ingrijorata................. 0
Daca o asculti mai bine de 30 minute............................+5
Daca o asculti mai bine de 30 minute fara sa te uiti la televizor..+100
Daca isi da seama ca ai reusit asta pentru ca ai adormit...........-20
I love my job, I love the pay!
I love it more and more each day! |
I love my boss, he is the best!
I love his boss and all the rest!
I love my office and it's location.
I hate to have to go on vacation.
I love my furniture, drab and grey,
and the piles of paper that grow every day!
I think my job is really swell,
there's nothing else I love so well.
I love to work among my peers,
I love their leers and jeers and sneers.
I love my computer and it's software;
I hug it often, though it won't care.
I love each program and every file,
I'd love them more if they worked awhile.
I'm happy to be here. I am. I am.
I'm the happiest slave of the firm, I am.
I love this work. I love these chores.
I love the meetings, those deadly bores.
I love my job--I'll say it again--
I even love those friendly men.
Those friendly men who've come today,
In clean white coats to take me away!
I love it more and more each day! |
I love my boss, he is the best!
I love his boss and all the rest!
I love my office and it's location.
I hate to have to go on vacation.
I love my furniture, drab and grey,
and the piles of paper that grow every day!
I think my job is really swell,
there's nothing else I love so well.
I love to work among my peers,
I love their leers and jeers and sneers.
I love my computer and it's software;
I hug it often, though it won't care.
I love each program and every file,
I'd love them more if they worked awhile.
I'm happy to be here. I am. I am.
I'm the happiest slave of the firm, I am.
I love this work. I love these chores.
I love the meetings, those deadly bores.
I love my job--I'll say it again--
I even love those friendly men.
Those friendly men who've come today,
In clean white coats to take me away!